Top 5 Ways to be Miserable!

Congratulations! By reading this, you affirm your basic right and personal desire to be miserable as you travel life’s journey. Welcome to the millions of other individuals who have joined this powerful and all consuming cause. This non-exclusive group responds, “Humbug!”, to the petulant positive thinkers and self-development gurus who try to have you think otherwise. Misery loves company, and it seems to be the default pathway of so many in this world. It is effortless. It is passionless. And it is all-welcoming. What follows are the “Big 5” methods to ensure your misery while passing through the interval between your birth and death.

1. Choose Conformity:

It has been stated that the opposite of courage is not cowardice, but conformity. It takes courage to break from the pack. It takes courage to possess and act on vision. It takes courage to boldly follow a heart’s desire and mental picture of a life’s dream. Conformity is safe. Conformity does not judge. As many have stated correctly, there is “safety in numbers”. This is why, especially today in society, having independent thought is a rare genetic trait. Herd and mass-mentality dictate the norm despite rational and logical rebuttals. In the historic, landmark audio-recording by Earl Nightingale titled, “The Strangest Secret”, Nightingale states that if you were to ask 10 individuals why they go to work, 8 or 9 of them would have no specific answer. They would likely respond with, “everyone goes to work“, or “because I have to go to work“. That is the answer of conformity. However, the 1 or 2 individuals who say that they work because they are headed towards a goal, or fulfilling a vision, or working progressively towards a worthy ideal will be the only ones who truly become successful. Why? Because they have broken from the herd-mentality. Think about it. Most people get up in the morning and say to themselves or others, “I HAVE to go to work today“. This is conformity thinking. The norm in today’s society is to be angry, to be suspicious, and to despise the successful. You see, the truly successful, and non-misery generating individual says, “I GET to go to work today”. But remember, you have chosen misery as your default path. So reject these strange altruistic statements and follow the norm. Conform. OBEY.

2. Embrace the VICTIM Role:

The victim role is a surefire method to live in misery. It is much easier to blame society, the government, parents, schooling, the job, roads, and weather (etc), then to accept full and personal responsibility for one’s own shortcomings. Plus, who wants to accept personal responsibility?! As a woman in a viral video once said, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”. By choosing the victim role you deflect all self-responsibility, self-development, and any guarantee of success by making it somebody else’s fault. Remember, you have chosen the path of misery, and this is one of the quickest ways to get there. Jim Rohn, the famed motivational leader, would often whip, “If you do not like where you are at, then move. You are not a tree”. But you know better than that, don’t you. That other job, that other relationship, will be just as terrible and unworthy of your presence as the last one. Right?

3. Replay Negativity:

The automatic nature of replaying negative thoughts. Seems like second nature doesn’t it? By ruminating on self-doubts, negative self talk, and hurtful/negative past experiences, you very successfully hinder growth and development. This is the antidote to positive thinking. It is the prescription against success. Negative thoughts have been proven in neuroscience research to rewire the brain and argument depression and anxiety. These are free bonus gifts when you sign up for the misery train.

4. Despise your work:

Successful people view no job as beneath them or meaningless. All work becomes a means to an eventual end. Here’s an important TRUE account: During a visit to the NASA space center in 1962, President John F. Kennedy noticed a janitor carrying a broom. He interrupted his tour, walked over to the man and said, “Hi, I’m Jack Kennedy. What are you doing?” “Well, Mr. President,” the janitor responded, “I’m helping put a man on the moon.”

To most people, this janitor was just cleaning the building. But in the more mythic, larger story unfolding around him, he was helping to make history… and he knew it.

Interesting, isn’t it? How about this next example?

The famed physician and a founding father of modern medicine, Sir William Osler, said the following: “Work is the open sesame of every portal, the great equalizer in the world, the true philosopher’s stone which transmutes all the base metal of humanity into gold.” Osler added, “The magic word in life is WORK. The stupid man among you it will make bright, the bright man brilliant, and the brilliant student steady. With the magic word in your heart, all things are possible, and without it all study is vanity and vexation”.

Photo: Sir William Osler, MD

To this, our misery club members say, “Blah Blah Blah”. Although a pioneer in the field of medicine, a philosopher as much as a scientist, and a dedicated worker, what did he really know about work anyway?

5. Choose Isolation:

Humans are social animals. Even the self described loaner has a basic need for human contact, sympathy, communication, and love. But you have chosen misery. Misery thrives in the dark, in isolation, in separation. True, no visionary or world-changer ever succeeded without mentorship, friendship, or communal support. But those things take time, effort, and carry the risk of being hurt or disappointed. By choosing isolation, you protect yourself from those vile entities. Choose isolation. Choose misery.

Alright, as you may well have guessed, this list was written in satire. But as with all satire, truth lies at its core. Misery is indeed the default pathway of millions of individuals. To be self-encouraged, self-motivated, to choose to see the beauty in life rather than the defeat takes will and purposeful thought. As an athlete needs a coach to prepare muscles for endurance and competition, so does our mind need coaching to prepare it for life’s inevitable obstacles and challenges. There is no life devoid of pain, disappointment, or hindrances. That makes life, LIFE. Choosing to see the beauty in living despite those things is a choice of the heart, a result of mindset, and a matter of the will. Our attitude towards life directly determines life’s attitude towards us! As Emerson clearly stated, “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not”.

Indeed.

So the choice is up to you. You can choose to be miserable and follow the norm, or you can choose to BE WEIRD, and break from the herd.

I choose to be WEIRD.